The Bonds Between Girlfriends

Well, the dark days of Advent have come and now have retreated back into the shadow side of my psyche and I am able to move on in anticipation. We are all in this excessive, almost hypnotic state of anticipation for the coming and the return of our Lord. And that’s good for Advent. It’s where we should be. It’s where our minds ought to be, as followers of Jesus Christ. But I am in an even more laborious state of anticipation, and some of you might be as well.

My nephew is in the process of being born. Right now at this moment (Nov. 15th 9:49am) he is being born, and my family and I are 500 miles away. This is a particularly tense time, not only for my brother and his wife, but for my wife as well. Her very best friend in the whole world is the one who is bearing our nephew, and she can’t breach the distance to be there at her side. To talk her through the labor pains. To make her laugh like Julia Roberts. To give everyone mints. To rub her back. To share that smile of confidence and the look of knowing. To give her that peace of mind assurance of spirit. To know without asking, that all she really wants is a slice of pizza. And this is all driving her crazy, and with good reason. You see, the bonds between girlfriends are great.

And myself? I just can't wait to welcome and hold my new nephew!

The Dark Days of Advent

These next couple of days are probably the worst out of the entire year for me. I know it's advent and Christmas is only a couple of weeks away. I know that the holiday season is supposed to be full of love and joy, and for the most part it is. But these next couple of days are going to forever be ingrained upon my soul. For these are the dark days of Advent for me. My own personal hell relived every December 10, 11th and 12th. Now, the only redeeming quality for the 12th is that it happens to be the birthday of one of my most cherished of friends, and so I pull myself together on that day and thank God for gift of this person. But, the 10th and 11th shall forever go down in infamy...

My wife and I lost our newborn daughter 6 years ago on December 11th. We have grieved. we have moved on with our lives. But when these days arrive, I can't help but revisit the raw emotions that took over my soul 6 years ago. I find myself thinking about what life would be like had we not lost Arwyn Julia...I find myself wondering what it would be like to have a 6 year old daughter. What strange ideas might she have? What might she have accomplished in her life to that point? What would she look like? And in this process I thank God for creating us with such wonderful imaginations, because I can picture in my minds eye all of who she is. All of who she has become. What she looks like. Smells like. Sounds like......

I sigh with wonder. I sigh with a great sadness. But as her father, I owe it to her to not forget. To actively move through the process of grief and joy, anger and sadness. She'll forever be my little girl. Arwyn...